The Exercise That Could Help You Transcend Resentment | SuperSoul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey Network

There’s this
exercise that you say when you look at other people. And you say, I
think it’s– is it– Just like me. Just like me.
Yeah. I’ve taken it to
“that could be me.” You know, we’ve all
used the phrase “there but for the grace of God.”
– That’s right. It’s another [INAUDIBLE] But I love this idea of when
you see something going on with another person, and even
if you’re just stuck in traffic and you’re getting upset with
them, you do the “just like me” exercise.
PEMA CHODRON: And that’s right. Can you share that? I like that. Well, it is really helpful. You can do it anytime,
like, for instance, sitting and waiting for anything. You can just look
around at people. And whether they seem stressed,
or happy, or whatever, you can say, just like me. We are alike. Just like me, that person
really wants to be loved. That person doesn’t
want to suffer. That person doesn’t
want physical pain. That person doesn’t want
hatred coming towards them. Right.
Just like me. That person, just like me. Just like me. And so it’s very, very useful
if you’re in these irritating situations like a traffic jam. It’s so– Or at the
airports– people are so frustrated at the airport. Oh, I know. So you sit there. And you– if you just start,
instead of fuming, which gets you nowhere except, you know– More fuming. –only get more fuming. You start looking at the
people in the other cars or other people sitting
in the airport and think, and just like me, these
people had someplace to go, and they’re being delayed. And just like me, they’re
fretting about it. And just like me, they’re
just human beings who– Want to be where they
are trying to get to. And just like
me, it would really be helpful if there
was some other way they could deal with it.
You know? Yeah. So here’s some advice. The advice would be
just start seeing the humanity of all the
people in the cars around you. I would have to say
that one of the things, the great lessons
of having a talk show every day for 25 years and
interviewing over 37,000 people one on one, I got that
“just like me” thing. I understood–
– Oh, I bet you did. –that this human– that there’s this human common
denominator of our experience. Oh, absolutely. OPRAH WINFREY: And just like
me, everybody wants to be heard. And just like me, everybody
wants to know that they matter. PEMA CHODRON: That’s right.
– Yeah. You know, I often say
to people who are having trouble with their parents– and often their parents
are like my my age. Right?
they are going to go home, and they’re dreading it. And then I always said,
well, I got advice once. Enter into their lives
instead of struggling against and being
resentful that they’re not interested in your life. Just for that– keep
the visit short. And for a couple
of days there, just sit and enter into their life. Do whatever they’re doing, like
watching television all day long when you’d rather be out
playing tennis or something. And the other thing is, ask
them about their childhood. OPRAH WINFREY: Yes. Ask them about their life. And I said, really, it’s
worth taking a tape recorder because for you to start
hearing about your mother or father’s childhood
is [INAUDIBLE] Yeah, I did that with
my mother toward the end. I actually, when my mother– we
knew that my mother was dying, and wouldn’t be on
earth much longer, and was making her transition,
I went back to Milwaukee. And I sat in the room. She was in this
little room where she watches television
where the temperature was like 87 degrees. And she’s watching “The
Bold and the Beautiful” and “The Young and
the Restless” all day long, and watching
the game show. And I just sat in the room– Yeah, that’s right. OPRAH WINFREY: –just
sat in the room. That’s right. And sometimes it’s
enough just to be there. – That’s right.
– Yeah. And I had an interesting
experience once with my mother. Because she retired– she and
my father retired to Mexico. But then he died, oh, maybe six
years before she left Mexico. And so I would go down there. I’d be just dying
to get out and walk in the markets and everything. She would stay in her
room, all the shades drawn, and again just watching
television like she wasn’t in Mexico.
– Right. You know? Could have been anywhere. And so my feeling was–
so I got this advice. Just enter her world. So I went. And as you say, it was so hot
in there, and it was so dark. So I’m sitting there. And basically, I
am just so restless and just almost
have to tie myself down to just kind of be present
because I want to get out. And after awhile, I
just started to relax. And after a while, it got
kind of interesting actually. Every once in a while,
the door would open, and someone would come in. And it’d be like a
little vignette of life. Someone would interact
with her, or bring her something, or something. And I’d see her reaction
and that person’s reaction. Then they’d leave. And we’d be back to this sort
of status quo of boredom. But after a while,
it became like being in a theater show or something. You know? OPRAH WINFREY: Mhm. Being on stage and almost
like a theater piece. I don’t know what to say except
that it changed from being dreadful and something I
wanted to avoid to something I actually got into with her. That’s right. You became present
enough to actually– – Transcend my mind–
– Yes, absolutely. –with my resistance.

84 thoughts on “The Exercise That Could Help You Transcend Resentment | SuperSoul Sunday | Oprah Winfrey Network

  1. Actually what they are describing Is mindfulness… one of God’s amazing gifts of transcendence while being in the present moment.

  2. I find Buddhist to be fascinating. They are so calm and have such a level of mindfulness that it feels unreal. ESPECIALLY in the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA TODAY.

    Great advice but this sounds easier than what reality will have in store.

    I'd love for her and Jay Shetty to had a meeting of the minds.

  3. It’s a wonderful exercise however for those parents that have been and still are abusive this is very difficult indeed. I challenge myself everyday to reach out in this open hearted way, “just like me” – I find myself tripping into my needs for safety and security. The sirens of a childhood of profound trauma have left me incapable of these gifts to a person that will use her love against me and my family if I let her in. Even today… grieving an easy mom, a just like me mom, is part of my path & practice. Thanks Pema & Oprah – you are both two of my dearest aunties❣️One day I hope to visit Nova Scotia!

  4. My relatives are not as open to opening up as I am. Listening & learning to understand is the way that I know/prefer to move forward to resolve. Instead of talking about me, judging & criticizing me, telling me how I should feel, what I should do…ask me how I feel & why. Don't tare down, lift up, love, honor & consider one another. Thank you! Peace & blessings to all!✌💖👍👑

  5. I love Oprah but sometimes let the humble quiet guest be the main focus and don’t over talk her. This tiny woman is incredibly humble and charming – it’s ok to let her shine.

  6. Beautiful wild flowers. To think all these people make so much money for talking about a little kindness they extended to their family members. How pathetic!

  7. My mom gets easily stressed, always has & as a result, I’ve had to learn to de stress & not respond to life in the same way. But I know where a lot of her projections come from because she has inadvertently openly expressed them linked to childhood & things that she still has resentment around. She gets a bit triggered though if you try to address it with her from a spiritual perspective. I remember I was playing an Abraham Hicks recording one morning & barely 5 minutes in, it must have triggered her in an uncomfortable way, because she told me that she needed me to leave the room or go outside with that … so she could watch the news. My mom is one of those people where if it isn’t linked to the Bible, she doesn’t want to really go there with it. Or if she does, it’s highly triggering for her to address.

  8. People often tell me that I have an uncanny ability to put myself in others’ shoes. But even though I have been able to empathize with each and every one of the characters in my entire life story, no matter how perverse their actions may have been, it does not mean I have always been able to forgive on this human term. 
    You see, empathizing with someone else and why they did something doesn’t always eliminate anger. Our anger might be based on cognitive dissonance created when confronted with the fact that human beings, by definition, are flawed, immature, and incompetent. Our anger might be based on a disturbance of certain rule-based structures that make us feel safe in a world of chance and chaos (i.e. when someone does not follow the “way things are supposed to be”). Our anger might be based on the need to be validated as a legitimatevictim (i.e. to not be dismissed by others). Our anger might be the fuel we need to fight for and get justice or to make someone else understand the gravity of a situation. Our anger might be initiated by the scary dissonance that results from the knowledge that life will now be permanently marred by what happened in many varying ways. Or our anger might our way to express love for and investment in those who have been hurt by something. 
    In other words, it isn’t always enough for us to empathize with a perpetrator in order for us to be able to forgive because doing so doesn’t diminish how upset we may feel about cosmic-level disorder and injustice and our emotional vulnerability; as these things are ultimately the real, impersonal issues we’re actually concerned with as mortals.

  9. I love Pema. She is such an amazing teacher. She always reminds me how much work I still have to do, and to love myself in spite of it. So many nuggets of wisdom here – thank you.

  10. So sweet. Yes, the more we realize how many common threads we all have, we'll unifty us. God bless. Just like me.

  11. And that's why we need a president who actually cares about the people and is willing to change the system and doesn't create trauma and division.

  12. I didn’t have a very loving 5th grade teacher, but she was the first to introduce me to the phrase,”Therefore but the grace of God go I”. I’ll always be grateful for that.

  13. I’ve been doing “just like me” for one week and it has changed my perception of other people for the better. Thank you Pema.

  14. I love that I know have a straightforward approach to this experience! This thought pattern has been happening to me , now I can say, JUST LIKE ME

  15. When my father came to my house for a month he used to see a TV show that me and my husband would think as basic and not interesting. We only have a TV so we were hoping the show ended to see the news. Now my father has died and we found ourselves turning the TV in that same channel and letting it run the show…

  16. She turned down someone that cried out for help. I know she knows she done wrong but at that time she must have been a very different person. God help that women at the time that needed someone to listen

  17. J'aime cette moine bouddhiste…..son joli visage sa lumiere sa sagesse..i just wont to be like you…yes..just like you….i'm gonna try…merci…


    Bhagavad-gita As It Is was spoken on a battlefield and it is relevant now and for future generations.

    Please read, make your life perfect, and then share with everyone you meet. 🌻🙏🏻

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    Bhagavad-gītā As It Is- Arabic

    Hare Krishna
    Hare Krishna
    Krishna Krishna
    Hare Hare
    Hare Rāma
    Hare Rāma
    Rāma Rāma
    Hare Hare

    This is called the great mantra. There is no loss at all in singing or chanting it, and the gain is very great, guaranteed.

    Stop slaughter of innocent creatures 🐂



  19. This practice is super difficult though with people who knowingly take advantage of us or lie to us…who express unjustified hate towards others.

  20. It’s so frustrating to see Oprah talk over someone like this. Let the woman talk and please stop being disrespectful of her voice

  21. Oprah is still attached to her lingering insecurities. She has all the tools but is unable to transcend the barriers. Once she frees herself from needing validation from her so called " handlers " , she will be liberated.
    Listen to " Om Mani Padme Hum" mantra, it is so beautiful.

  22. would be proper for oprah to let her guest speak full sentences and not interrupt. Completely unprofessional. In addition, oprah doesn't need to 'one-up' with stories of her own to compare against her guests. I don't like oprah at all for these two reasons, which are her habitual ways of interviewing. I adored hearing what this guest had to say though, when she got a word in edge-wise.

  23. Saying "there but for the grace of God go I" is about the most separating, egoist, self serving, illusion reinforcing thing that can be said. Goes to show the challenges of the interviewing lady in this video. Trying to prove how enlightened you are is the proof the lights are still out.

  24. Love, compassion and kindness are the hallmarks of all religions, including Christianity, Islam, Jainism, Sikhism, Wiccan, etc. It isn't the prerogative of only Buddhist monks/nuns!

  25. The Tonglain Practice in Mahayana Buddhist! Give all your merit to others and take all others unwholesome things to oneself! Try it but learn with very trained Buddhist teachers!

  26. Just like me, that cow or pig doesn't want to suffer either. Probably compassion shouldn't be restricted to just humans.

  27. This is why I stopped watching Oprah herself bc she really distracts from the message always trying to turn the conversation on to how long she’s interviewed people and what she’s learned from it. Everyone know who’s you are, Oprah. This show is about these people we may not know about. I want listen to them not you blabber more about your life.

  28. The wrath of God is comming
    Zephaniah 1.14
    All these Pagan Buddhists will bow before the Lord of Lords, Jesus Christ.
    The bible says we must be born again.
    No Religion will be in heaven.
    Only those who are born again.
    Behold now is the accepted time, behold now is the day of Salvation.
    Tonight maybe your last day on earth.
    Where will you go.

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